I've neglected this journal too much. I'm just so lazy, I don't even want to write about what I'm thinking. But I want to have this record of what I think and do during this time in my life... 'cause I'm weird like that.

For the past few days, I've been going through old videos of my friends and I that I had stored on our desktop computer. It's been hard. I miss home so much more now; I miss my house. I watch these videos on the verge of tears 'cause I want to be there so badly, and I'm stuck here. It sucks.

Anyway, it is 11/11 and I have joined a website called hitRECord.org. It's kinda difficult to describe/explain, so if you wanna know what I'm talking about, read this: http://www.hitrecord.org/danshowrec.php?rec=1217

11/11 marks the beginning of a mass collaboration project called the Regularity. I'm not even fully clear on the details but whatever. I'll wing it. That'll make it interesting, at least. I'm moving all those old videos of my friends on my desktop computer to my laptop so I can cut together a video that I'll post to hitRECord today... maybe youtube, too. I just want to make something meaningful and emotional that I can watch and remember how much my home affected me when I was there and what effect it has on me now that I'm 2,000 miles away. I'll post a link here later once it's uploaded.

Also, I had an idea for a music video in April that I'm expanding on into a short film... I'll be writing a screenplay for that when I finish my hitRECord piece. I'll post that later, too, in a private entry that my friends can read.

5:38 AM. WHY AM I AWAKE?

I have good news. it's only a tentative plan at the moment, but I'm hopefully moving in with Martha and her family. that's right. I'm coming back to Connecticut! [hopefully, anyway]

if all goes according to plan, this is what's gonna go down:
step 1: I get a full time job here for the time being.
step 2: I get my GED.
step 3: I get my driver's license.
step 4: I save up enough money to get the Jeep up in running condition.
step 5: I leave on or around November 15, driving the Jeep with all my junk in the trunk.
step 6: after two days of driving, stop in Pittsburgh and visit my dad and his side of the family.
step 7: drive one more day back to Connecticut and be there before Thanksgiving.

that's if everything happens as I hope it will, which is rarely the case. so we'll see. pray for me?

I applied to four jobs yesterday and I'm praying for one to call back. I'm probably going to go out later today, scouring the shopping centers around here for job openings... if I'm not dead on my feet by then, anyway. I haven't slept all night. fuck you, insomnia.

I've been watching Supernatural like a FIEND. I finished Season 2 last night and watched the Season 3 premiere. Dear lord, I love this show. It's hilarious, gripping, and DAYUM those boys are hot.

This is just a short update because I'm trying to get back into the routine of updating this thing again... and I'm exhausted now. I'm probably gonna go sleep until 3 pm and then watch some more Supernatural. but not before I look for a job. 'cause I really REALLY need one. meh. wish me luck, pwease?

Whooooaaaahhhh baby! It's been a while.

It's weird to be blogging again. For the past, I dunno... four months or so I've been suffering from a pretty constant stream of apathy and depression flowing through my being. That sounds so weird. But for realsies, that's what it's been like.

Let's talk about life... it sucks. That's not new. But I have moved from Rocky Hill to the glorious town of Katy, Texas! Hooray! -coughhackdiefail- Yeah, no. I hate it here. I have no friends, I can't get a job (Blockbuster shafted me after one interview. THANKS FOR GETTING MY HOPES UP DICKHEADS.) and I still don't have my license. I'm 18 and a half. Now it's just getting pathetic. I made the executive decision the other day to drop out of school and get my GED. I'm not going into my junior year for the third time in a row, that just isn't gonna cut it for me. So at the moment, I'm looking for a full time job... saving up to fix the Jeep so I'll actually have a car to drive once I do get my license, and I'm saving up to road trip to COMIC CON next summer. I'm super excited for it, and it's not for another ten and a half months. Someone should just shoot me purely out of disgust at how pitiful I am. Hahahaha.

I'm going to see Mitchel Musso in concert next Wednesday. HOLY FUCK I'M COOL. Right? Next concert after that is November 1st... Cobra Starship, A Rocket to the Moon, The Maine, VersaEmerge and... Boys Like Girls. That lineup was great until the last band I mentioned. Hahahaha. It's cool though 'cause Boys Like Girls are headlining, so while they're playing I'll just leave and go chill with the bamfs in Cobra. Although I do like "Love Drunk" so I might stick around for that song, then leave. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Other than that, nothing's new. Summer was bittersweet... so many awesome times, but they were all overshadowed by goodbyes. Since then, I've just been in a constant state of blaaaahhh. As one Nate Novarro so eloquently put it on twitter about 15 minutes ago, "i should be prescribed pills that make me give a fuck."

PS - I'm in love with Supernatural. Thanks, Kristyn.

These past couple of weeks or so have been pretty much the best time in my life.

Accomplishment of the day: I found the video for Cheated Hearts that is all footage of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs... 'cause the real video has a bunch of fan submitted clips, but Paige and I found the YYY version first... and they took it off their youtube channel, and we were pretty much devastated. This was a couple months ago, at least. AND I FOUND IT. Nick Zinner's dastardly cuteness is enough to cheer me up about anything.

On Wednesday, Martha and I went into NYC by ourselves to go see In The Heights. There were many things I enjoyed about this trip:
-We went by ourselves, no parents.
-The train rides were thoroughly amusing (and gave me lots of time to read Harry Potter 6).
-"The Lonely Island's next hit single - 'I'm on a Train'".
-We got Orchestra section seats - Row J, right in the fucking center of the theater. Perfect view.
-The play was absolutely mindblowingly phenomenal.
-We went to this little pizza place for lunch... best pizza I've ever had.
-Did you know Wrigley's gum was the first product ever to have a barcode?
-We used Purell incessantly... I love the smell of that stuff. I'm a freak, I know.
-"The Vanessa we saw was kind of ugly..." "Only 'kind of'?!"
-JAMBAJUICE. Okay, I'm not one for smoothies... but I got a Strawberry Whirl there, which is bananas, strawberries and strawberry-apple juice all blended together... best fucking beverage I've ever had in my life.
-We were bored... in Times Square. I think we're probably the only people on earth who pull of such a feat.
-"I made Becca practically run through the city to catch our train and we got here nine minutes early... she called me a demon."
-We were supposed to get back to Hartford at 8:10... our train from New Haven didn't even leave until 8:15.
-"'Do not recline on the benches.' How do you recline on these things?!" "I think it means you're not allowed to lay down..."

Ahhh, good times.

Bamboozle is tomorrow! :DDD
I'm so fucking excited, you have no idea. I'm going for both days this year... No Doubt's playing Sunday night, and it's their comeback show. I was never even that huge of a No Doubt fan, but this week I downloaded pretty much their entire discography and I'm addicted. This then led to me downloading Gwen's first solo album, and I've had Bubble Pop Electric stuck in my head for the past two days. Thanks Meghan. (:
Endless Hallway is also going to be there... I didn't even listen to them until about two or three days ago... but Paige showed me a video of their guitarist Jono and Sonny Moore about two and a half years ago. I absolutely ADORE Jono. So I'm really excited to see them, as well.
THE BLOODHOUND GANG. Enough said.
I'm gonna be dead by the end of it, but it's going to be amazing.

My 18th birthday's in four weeks. :D
The bad thing is, if I want a birthday party, it's gonna have to be combined with my going away party... that's gonna be really depressing. My mom said I can't have more than one party though. Gah. She better let me invite whoever I want though 'cause I'm not gonna be able to make any friends in Texas. XD

My dad and I have actually been on good terms lately... not BFFs, but like... civil. I have next to no patience with him, I dunno why... but it's been okay lately.

I FINALLY SAW THE USUAL SUSPECTS. I've been dying to see that movie for months, and I finally saw it with my sister when we stayed the night at my dad's apartment... Keyser Soze is amazing. I unfortunately already knew the ending before we watched it but hey... what are you gonna do? It was still funny and chilling.

I stayed over Martha's house for a couple days during vacation... and we went to the Center both days to hang out with her boyfriend Nikita and his friends. There's this girl Sarah... I'm fairly sure she's a freshman... and everyone hates her. She's a trend-obsessed ho of an emoshit and Nikita gleans great enjoyment from making her cry. So one of these days, we were sitting and a friend of mine and Martha's walked over and we were like JULIE! AAHH! So I called Fives and got up outta my chair to go say hi, 'cause we hadn't seen her in ages... when we go back, Sarah had magically appeared and taken my chair. So I asked her to get up 'cause I called Fives... and you gotta respect the rule of Fives. She completely ignored me. Nikita said "You have every right to punch her in the face if she doesn't get up." and I laughed, seriously contemplating it. Then I said OUT LOUD "Fine, I guess I'll just tip it until you fall out." So I grabbed two of the legs, and lifted 'em a little, like a few inches to show her I meant it... then I just tipped it. She fell out and hit her head on the concrete and started bitching... honestly? She had every opportunity to get up and/or catch herself as she slid out, and she KNEW I was going to do it. The best part was no one tried to help her, we were all trying not to laugh. It's mean but she deserved it.

I was also introduced to Nikita's friend Squiggy (real name Andrew). He does one hell of a Quagmire impression. They actually had this thing going for a while where whenever Nikita said "Squiggy!" Andrew would have to respond with "Giggity!" or Nikita could punch him in the face. Squiggy didn't slip up ever when I was around, but a couple days later Nikita got him and ended the game 'cause he didn't wanna have to punch Andrew twice. XD How thoughtful. But Squiggy is the fuckin' man, I love him. We were helping him out with getting rid of his creepy stalker from Northwest Catholic. Also, the second day we went to the Center we found him chillin' in Barnes and Noble reading Marilyn Manson's autobiography... we were cracking up. There were lists like "If any of these apply to you, you are a homo.", etc. The homosexual one KILLED me because every other like, rule or whatever had something to do with Morrissey or the Smiths. i.e. "If you are in the bathroom and a Smiths song comes on and you have your dick in your hand." or "You are now a vegetarian because the Smiths album Meat Is Murder had an impact upon your life." and the last one was "If your first, middle, last or only name is Morrissey." Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head... it was amazing.

All in all I've been uncharacteristically jolly for the past few weeks. But it's okay, I don't mind. But if I start pissing you off, just smack me or something and I can go back to being depressed. XD

Yesterday was Easter. woooooooo!

I went to Greenwich as per usual, except we went to this brunch at this really high end country club in Darien... it was almost creepy. I had to wear my sister's four inch heels 'cause I forgot my own "dressy" shoes and my aunt and mom's feet are smaller than mine... gah. The only people there that I knew were my aunts, my cousins Christopher and Patrick and my uncle, his girlfriend and her kids (Kristyn and Matt) and the people who invited us, my mom's cousins Buzzy and Geri. There were about 20 other people there that I a) never really spoke to and therefore did not remember or b) never met before in my life. Thank god Kristyn was there, or I might have gone insane.

Kristyn just got back from her school trip to Italy on Saturday, so basically that's what we talked about the entire time. Apparently she had been searching for a nautical themed pashmina afghan to buy there, because there are TONS of pashmina there, but could not find one. Highly unfortunate. But she did survive the earthquake (she wasn't anywhere near it) and went to the Vatican and Venice and Florence and Milan and Rome... I think that's it. She talked about her friends a lot, about how some waiter was pissy to them because they were "stupid Americans" and one of her friends said "he's probably gonna jizz in our food now". Then the entire time we were eating lunch, we kept joking about how the waiters at the club probably jizzed in our drinks... they were not happy people, AND they didn't bring Kristyn's tea for like an hour, so she kept asking about it. It was pretty fun.

We actually went down to Greenwich on Saturday night because Samantha wanted to go to a concert in Fairfield, so we just stayed overnight in Greenwich. Miranda and I had nothing to do, and she wanted to go see the Hannah Montana movie... so I got in touch with Sarah and she came with us. I'm not complaining... I got my giant bag of Skittles and got to see a friend I don't see very often. The movie was ridiculously cheesy. It was a mold movie. Like, not that it's moldy and has mold growing on it, but it fits that dumb mold of cliche, happy Disney "discovering who you are" movies. However, the guy in it was RIDICULOUSLY gorgeous, so that was alright. There was this dance thing... called the "Hoedown Throwdown"... it made me want to shoot myself in the face. However, they had the cast members dancing to it in the credits and stuff. I then decided that the movie should just have been an hour and a half of Mitchel Musso, the hot guy and this one creepy kid that had a ferret doing the dance. It would have been infinitely more entertaining. Ferret boy made the movie bearable.

Sunday morning, Miranda, my mom and I went to mass with my aunt (she insisted). It amused me GREATLY... because pretty much everything from Dane Cook's joke routine about church is SO TRUE. The sing-speaking, the Communion... when they did the peace thing, I didn't know what was going on until my aunt's friend Vicky shook my hand and said "peace be with you" and I seriously laughed out loud. I'd never done that before so I was confused. XD Miranda and I were highly amused to say the least.

Sunday night we went to my mom's cousin Linda's place. Their house is fucking gigantic... like, three floors, and it's right by the water. In Old Greenwich. Do you know how much that costs? Jesus. But I love Linda, she's so nice. Her kids Jason and Katherine were there for all of half an hour... Jason had to go back to UCONN and Katherine goes to the Millbrook school in New York and boards there, so she had to leave too. So we visited with Linda and my great-aunt Lucy and great-uncle Alex. Oooh, also, Linda has a female black lab named Isis. She's freaking adorable, and that name is just plain sweet. And we had cookie cake. Delicious.

I was so tired when I got home last night. I feel almost jet-lagged... the weekend was tiring. I drove around a lot, even in Greenwich... on the Post Road. :DD It was kinda scary, but not as bad as I thought it'd be. I actually enjoyed spending time with my family... that doesn't say much 'cause they're all completely wack and screwed up, so it's like hanging out with a bunch of five year olds and not really family members. XD It was great.

It hasn't even been two months, and I miss LiveJournal. Paige is right, there's something off about Tumblr. It's great for following people and it's so much fancier... but it's almost TOO good to be true. LiveJournal, I'm sorry... will you ever forgive me? T.T

So earlier today Cobra Starship released a new song on their MySpace entitled "Pete Wentz is the Only Reason We're Famous". It's pretty much catchy as all hell... it's like punk meets 80s dance pop. So basically, pop-punk but supercool. I already know almost all the lyrics... 'cause I have that much of a life... I can't wait until the new album comes out... they can't seriously expect people to wait until July. That's just torture.

I don't know if anyone even checks this thing to see if I still post anymore, but my parents are in the middle of a divorce... my dad moved out to an apartment in East Windsor a few weeks ago, and I'm moving to Sugar Land, TX in July. If I may quote Lily Allen, everything's just wonderful; I'm having the time of my life.

I found a website that's like bass lessons step by step... it's moderated by a bass teacher... he basically created it for people who don't have money to get an instructor and don't know of any instructors, which is perfect for me, 'cause my family is completely broke. Not to mention the economy completely fails epically, so I was so excited when I found this site. I still haven't used it yet, but I'm gonna start tomorrow I think. I just have no motivation to do anything, even stuff I really wanna do. Fucking angst/apathy.

I've begun watching Heroes, it's excellent. I'm pretty much the biggest Sylar fangirl on the planet (not ashamed to admit it). Zachary Quinto is just an amazing actor. I can't wait to see him in the Star Trek movie as Spock. Awww, yeah.

LOST has been getting good. I'm so totally pissed though, Sayid shot little!Ben at the end of last week's episode, and in order to save him (because Jack the douchebag wouldn't operate on him) Kate and Sawyer brought him to the hostiles... and that's basically the reason he's gonna grow up to be an evil mastermind. Sayid was trying to kill him to get rid of him, and all he did was trigger Ben's journey to the dark side. GODDAMNIT YOU ASSHOLE. GAAAHH. Not to mention little!Ben is pretty much the most adorable kid I've ever seen, and it tore me up inside to see him dying. I'm so attached to these fictional characters, it's pathetic. I'll go drown myself now.

I've seen trailers for the new miniseries of Torchwood... there is lots of Ianto, and it actually looks pretty interesting... we shall see. It's still not gonna be the same without Owen and Tosh, and I'm still pissed it's only gonna be five episodes long. There better be a fourth season, and it better have at least 13 episodes. Goddamn you, Russell T. Davies. I'm also stoked for the Easter special of Doctor Who. I haven't seen any previews or anything for it, I just remembered just now that there's going to be one. I need my Doctor Who fix, there hasn't been anything new since Christmas. I kind of just want the fifth season to start already so I can see Matt Smith in action. He seems really cool.

This Cobra Starship song is so infectious. Did I mention earlier that I've been listening to it on repeat basically since it started streaming on their MySpace at 6:30 this evening? I took two breaks, one to watch LOST and the other to watch Jay Leno. I'm so addicted.

Damn, so much happens in two months. I met this kid Sam through Twitter... he's pretty much made of win. He's from New Zealand... I've been talking to him for almost two weeks now. I really wished he lived in the US so I could take a road trip to visit him, that way we could hang out and be losers instead of talk on IM and be losers, which is slightly more pathetic. I also have to stay up until ungodly hours of the night to talk to him... he's 18 and goes to university and can't really go on MSN Messenger until he gets home... we can still communicate through Twitter though 'cause he has an iPhone and updates it from university. Anyway. Next time I go back to New Zealand, he's the first person/place I'm visiting.

Twitter is retarded as shit, but it makes me appreciate people SO MUCH. I used to pretty much hate Pete Wentz with a passion, but his Twitter updates have restored some of my faith in him. Mark Hoppus updates ridiculously often as well... I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEW BLINK-182 ALBUM OR FOR THEIR SUMMER TOUR. AHHHHH! I was also trying to see what the members of My Chemical Romance thought of the new Morrissey album that came out in February, and Bob, the drummer, replied to me. It made my week. He said "I haven't heard it, ask Mikey." Not much, but, you know. I got some recognition. That's good enough for me. I love Bob so much. He's from Chicago.

Youth Group has been going well. Dan and Peter have come back to visit numerous times, and Lucas came back to visit once. That made me really happy; I love Lucas. It was sweet too 'cause while the group played games, he, my advisor Dan and I all just had a nice little chat. I never really got to talk to him, so it was really nice.

I think that's a pretty thorough recap of the past two months for me... if I've missed anything I'll update soon enough with tha deetz. I'm coming back to LiveJournal... Tumblr, go fuck yourself. kaythanks.

"So what, you got a crew... I got a crew too."

so... I'm a traitor.

I made a Tumblr account.
There's just so much more you can do with Tumblr than you can do with LiveJournal... so I'm moving there.
I already have four blog posts 'cause I have that much of a life.

http://theoriginalfangirl.tumblr.com

and did I mention I just created it this afternoon? I'm pathetic.

The Oscar nominees were announced today. I've been waiting for this for a LONG time.

I'm quite disappointed in the lack of like.. variety, though. There are like 4 movies nominated in nearly every category; Frost/Nixon, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, and Milk. I've seen Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and I REALLY wanted to see the other two but haven't gotten the chance to yet. So I admit that I do like all these movies it's just... redundant. Boring. Whatever.

On with the nominations!
I'm gonna write down who I want to win, and then who I think will actually win. Cool? Sweet.

Best Picture:
my pick - Slumdog Millionaire
Academy's pick? - I have no clue, really. It could go any way. I'll have to wait until the actual Oscars to see who's taking the awards to make an accurate prediction.

Best Leading Actor:
my pick - Frank Langella as Nixon, or Sean Penn as Harvey Milk. Portraying historic figures takes SKILLZ.
Academy's pick? - Mickey Rourke. He beat out both of my picks at the Golden Globes.

Best Leading Actress:
my pick - Angelina Jolie or Kate Winslet. The only one of the nominees for this category that I've actually seen in action was Angelina, but I know Kate's got chops, man. She's phenomenal in pretty much anything she does.
Academy's pick? - I am thinking Kate Winslet... she won the Golden Globe.

Best Supporting Actor:
my pick - Heath Ledger. Seriously. His performance made me physically uncomfortable during that whole movie. It was so intense.
Academy's pick? - I really have no clue, but I hope they go for Heath.

Best Supporting Actress:
...I actually don't particularly care about this category since the only film I saw that was nominated was Benjamin Button, so I don't want to choose.

Best Director:
my pick - DANNY BOYLE. I love that man SO MUCH. He's absolutely amazing.
Academy's pick? - Dunno, but I am inclined to say Gus Van Sant. He's great as well.

Best Original Screenplay:
my pick - Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter & Jim Reardon for WALL-E. The most blatantly honest yet still cute and optimistic film I've ever seen.
Academy's pick? - WALL-E. I have a strong feeling about this, it's a remarkable concept for one and for another, there is mostly no dialogue and it was still one of the biggest blockbusters of the summer (excluding the Dark Knight of course).

Best Screenplay Based On Previously Published Material:
my pick - Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Can you tell I REALLY liked that movie?
Academy's pick? - Eric Roth and Robin Swicord for Benjamin Button, just because they did it in such a way that it was like you lived his life WITH him... it was long and tedious at times, but the ending hit you hard.

I'm gonna skip over Cinematography, Editing and Art Direction 'cause the choice is really too hard for me and I don't know ALL that much about those categories to make educated decisions.

Best Costume Design:
my pick - Milk. Keep in mind that I'm just basing this on what I've seen in trailers and whatnot, so it's not like I'm completely decided on this.
Academy's pick? - I'm gonna say Revolutionary Road from what I've seen in the trailer, and also I saw a short "making of" thing, and they were talking about the attention to detail in that film... it was very very precise. So I'm gonna guess the costumes were beyond perfect.

Best Makeup:
my pick - Benjamin Button.
Academy's pick? - Benjamin Button or Hellboy... it's hard to pin down. Benjamin Button was most certainly impressive, but Hellboy required extensive makeup so... we'll see. Watch the Dark Knight win... XD

Best Original Score:
my pick - A.R. Rahman for Slumdog Millionaire or Thomas Newman for WALL-E. Both scores moved me beyond words.
Academy's pick? - no clue in the slightest.

Best Original Song:
my pick - Jai Ho by A.R. Rahman. It was in the ending credits of Slumdog Millionaire and it stirred up so many emotions, I didn't know what I was feeling. It was breathtaking.
Academy's pick? - Jai Ho. That's just my wishful thinking though.

I'm gonna skip Sound Editing and Visual Effects 'cause I'm lazy... XD

Best Animated Film:
my pick - WALL-E.
Academy's pick? - WALL-E. It says so much about humanity.

...and I know nothing about anything nominated in the documentary or short categories, so I will stop there. These are complete amateur opinions, but I'm pretty sure of myself. 31 days 'til the Oscars. :D

Here's Jai Ho... it gets really intense about a minute in or so.

So I'm sitting here... curled up in my comforter and watching Cobra Starship on stickam. Whatever kind of effects they're foolin' with sound really freaking sweet. I want the new album noooowww. They just played like a ten second clip of something... sounds like a synth that they're mixing on their computers... but it was amazing.

So I've been pretty absent from LiveJournal... and like... life, lately. I've been tired and sick off and on for about two weeks now. It's not been fun at all whatsoever. The only fun aspect is that I've been watching a number of movies... I watched Clerks, Clerks II and Dogma over the past couple days and earlier this week I saw American Psycho for the first time, as well as Grind. American Psycho I didn't fully get... and I'm pissed 'cause my dad returned it before I got a chance to watch it again. Grind was hilarious and has sparked within me a huge crush on Adam Brody, which caused me to begin watching The OC... I know, I can't believe it either. But he was amazing in Grind, and he's hilarious in The OC so his adorable geekiness is my justification for watching the show. And as soon as I'm done with this entry, I'm gonna watch Saving Private Ryan for the first time... I'll talk about why in a few minutes.

Dude, Suarez just started talking about B-Sides.
Suarez: "Yo, so what do we got for b-sides on this record?"
Gabe: "TONS."

....and they turned the sound off. Evil.

Wow... iTunes on shuffle can be a scary thing. I was just listening to My Chemical Romance's cover of Astro Zombies, and then it jumped to Jonas Brothers... >.o No, thanks. Let's go with some Peter Gabriel! :D
Don't be hatin'... I love Peter Gabriel. He's amazing. Him and Phil Collins... both ex-Genesis members, and Genesis was a GREAT band as well. That's my music trivia for the night... moving on...

LOST CAME BACK TONIGHT :D
WITH TWO EPISODES
I was very confused by the end of the two hour premiere, but very satisfied. I hope Season 5 will live up to the standards set by Season 4... it has so far with the body count, anyway. And Daniel Faraday = my best friend. I love him to death. Him along with Benjamin Linus (I'm using his full name 'cause it sounds really cool) are my current favorites... and neither of them better die like Boone and Charlie (my past favorites).

At any rate, Lost is part of the reason I'm watching Saving Private Ryan. I was on the IMDb page for the actor who plays Daniel Faraday, Jeremy Davies. He was in Saving Private Ryan as Corporal Upham, and I was looking at the character's quotes and saw some about "FUBAR" meaning "fucked up beyond all recognition" and decided that I've put off seeing this movie for far too long and I needed to get on that. So I am. Right now. I'll update this again when I finish.

Plus, I love Matt Damon, even if he is Private Ryan and isn't in most of the movie. His performance in Dogma is quite possibly one of my favorite performances of the 90s. I really don't know why.

ENOUGH BABBLING. GOODBYE.

 Guess what everyone!

I wrote a synopsis for a screenplay I wanna write! I figured it'd be easier to write the synopsis out first, very detailed, that way I'll have something to refer to when coming up with dialogue and descriptions.

Read, please give me feedback... HONEST feedback, no matter how brutal. Just keep in mind it's like a rough draft...

It's called Wild-Eyed Jokers and it's based on the song Hang 'Em High by My Chemical Romance... it's kind of a literal interpretation of the lyrics. Not really anything terribly deep. But I'm very proud of it.

 

( Don't stop if I fall and don't look back. )

Bleh. The holidays are over. And I'm sick.

I've barely done anything over vacation, too. I went to Pennsylvania which is just buckets of fun, hanging out with my father and sisters and going nuts. The upside of that vacation was that I saw two movies I was excited about: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. Benjamin Button was such a cute movie, I liked it a lot. Slumdog Millionaire, however, was PHENOMENAL. I was not disappointed in the slightest, and I went into that movie with some pretty high expectations. It's easily in my top five favorite movies ever. It was so intense, and the ending credit sequence was pretty badass. XD Also, Danny Boyle directed it, and he's the guy who did Trainspotting and 28 Days Later. He's amazing. At any rate, that was the highlight of Pennsylvania. That, and we went to Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall which is the place where they shot the scenes from Silence of the Lambs when he's in that big cage in that huge room. It was really cool.

I also had an epiphany a few days ago when Paige was over. We were listening to songs off the new Fall Out Boy album, criticizing it, wishing they would go back to the way they used to sound, generally being stingy elitists, etc. But then we realized something. We realized why we didn't like their music as much anymore. Aside from the obvious, that their style has really changed ever since they went for more hip hop influences... Patrick's voice. His voice died, for lack of a better word. It's been happening with a lot of people. Like, if you go back and listen to Evening Out With Your Girlfriend or Take This To Your Grave, his voice is so vulnerable and intense, and it's yearning, almost. It was so alive and expressive and now it's just... he's showing off. He's mastered his range the longer he's been in the band, and he overuses it. It's just a possession now, not a way to express himself. It's just something he can do cool stuff with. It's like, the band is established enough that they have enough followers to not put as much into it anymore. And like I said, they're not the only band it's happened with. As much as I still love The Academy Is..., William's voice has died too. If you listen to Down and Out, a song off their first album, and compare it to what I find should be an emotional song off the new album called The Test... you can hear it so clearly. Down and Out is just so much more expressive and moving. Gabe Saporta's voice has died too, but it doesn't really affect the band as much because Cobra Starship is just a band about having fun. They have a couple songs that some real emotion are put into, and you can still hear it... he still has it in his voice, he just doesn't use it. He used it so much when he sang in Midtown, but he really doesn't need to all that much anymore so he doesn't. And then there are those bands who have never lost it like My Chemical Romance. Gerard never had that huge of a range, or was able to do all the fancy stuff that Patrick Stump can do with his voice... but he's never let go of its emotion. Listen to any of the songs off The Black Parade, and his voice is still as great as it was when they recorded I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. Whenever I sing along to Famous Last Words, I grit my teeth at the beginning while I sing the "but where's your heart" line. It's reflexive. I hear it in his voice, and I try to sing it in the same manner. You can hear all the anger, the hurt, the worry, the uncertainty. Maybe I'm getting to into this subject, but it hit me like a bus and to me, it's an important realization.

It has also occurred to me that I never really put much emotion into what I do. The only things that ever seem to hit me hard enough to create something with intensity is death. When Reid died, when Toby's father died... I need to find a reason to write or build. To be honest, this sounds really pathetic and depressing and morbid or whatever, but this is the stuff that keeps me going... books and music, knowledge and insight, I love learning... it's all I live for really. But I can't create anything to keep myself going. I live off other people's work. I don't matter enough to myself to do anything to help me. If that makes any sense. It makes sense in my head, it's just hard to describe... I suck.

"The punchline to the joke is asking, 'Someone save us!'"
...yeah, no kidding.
"You don't know a thing about my sins, how the misery begins, you don't know. So I'm burning."
...I don't know a thing about me. But I think I'm getting better at understanding other things. That's something to keep me going for a while.

Ahaha, so I decided to take that seme/uke quiz thing again that I took like a year, year and a half ago. Last time I got Don't Fuck With Me Seme. This is my result from the new and improved quiz:

You are a Chibi Seme!

You are the seme in disguise. Able to fit in and get along with uke and seme alike, you are able to get close to the uke on their level before exerting your dominance. This makes you at times manipulative and able to fool others about your true seme nature. Because of your harmless appearance, it takes the flamboyantly gay Flaming Uke to match wits and really bring out your aggressive side to expose you for the seme that you are.

Most compatible with: Flaming Uke, Badass Uke

Least compatible with: Dramatic Uke

What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at SemeUke.com, or find merchandise here.

I think this result suits me a lot better. :P

So, these are pretty much my two favorite music videos of the year.
Cobra's homemade videos are always really fun to watch... those silly kids and their antics.
And About A Girl is definitely my favorite TAI... video. My favorite shot's the one at 2:16. Mike is so funny when he plays.

Cobra Starship: Kiss My Sass


The Academy Is...: About A Girl


By the way... Fast Times At Barrington High was number 46 on The Rolling Stone's "Top 50 Albums of the Year" list, and About A Girl was number 39 on their top singles list. Proof that The Academy Is... is amazing.

My sleep cycle is so unbelievably fucked. XD I woke up at like 2:25 and couldn't fall back asleep, so I came downstairs about an hour later... and here I am, posting an entry at 4:30 in the morning.

I'm pretty pissed.. the new iPod I just got is dysfunctional. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I was watching TAITV episodes on it... and I was fastforwarding through one, and then the screen just went black and it made this little clicky noise.. and then I got a red circle with a red X in it. I was pissed. So I just turned it off for a while and let it sit for a few hours, then I turned it on again and it told me to connect it to the computer and restore it in iTunes. And it was working again. But it just did it to me again at like 7 pm yesterday, except it was in the middle of the song... it was weird.

Speaking of the Apple Store, they still haven't called me to say they finished with my computer. And it's been ten days as of today, I believe. I WANT PENNIE BACK. T.T

Wednesday, I watched Paprika, 'cause I hadn't watched it in a long time. I love that movie. It's so freaking messed up that it makes me feel almost sane. Really, if you haven't seen it, please do. I'm pretty sure most anyone would enjoy it, even if it is anime.

Yesterday, I watched Desperado for the first time. It was on Cinemax On Demand, so it was free, and I've been meaning to see it ever since William Beckett posted this monologue from it on his blog:



It's directed by Robert Rodriguez, who did Planet Terror... which was part of Tarantino's Grindhouse thing that came out like a year and a half ago. He also did Sin City and all the Spy Kids movies. XD What a weird resume... Spy Kids and Planet Terror? Ahahaha. But it's about Antonio Banderas, he's this musician out for vengeance on the people that killed his lover. He's such a fucking [sexy] badass. Tarantino's cameo is priceless, as you can see, and Steve Buscemi's in it as Antonio Banderas' like buddy, partner or whatever. He's hilarious. I love Steve Buscemi... of course if it's associated in any way with Quentin Tarantino, he's gonna be in it. He was also in Spy Kids 2... so I guess he's buddies with Robert Rodriguez as well.

I really wanna watch Reservoir Dogs now. Keri finally watched it, and we're gonna have a Tarantino-thon probably this weekend 'cause she has Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. I only ever saw Kill Bill once, and I wanna see it again. It was fucking BAMF. Never saw Volume 2 though... I wonder if she has it. I know she has Volume 1. 'tevs, yo.

I hate the weather... if it had snowed instead of rained, we'd be buried under 30 inches of white fluffiness. Grr. Christmas is in less than two weeks! Wooooo!

I'll have to go with Paige on this one and say Basil Hallward and Dorian Gray... although, as she points out, Oscar Wilde pretty much does it for us anyway.

Hmm.. in my own opinion though, I think I would go with.. Mr. Orange and Mr. White from Reservoir Dogs. XD Yes, I went there. But seriously.. c'mon. I'd also have to say Charlie and Desmond from LOST. How adorable would that be? IT'S BACK BITCHES! JANUARY 21ST!

I went to school today! For the first time since Halloween! Aren't you so proud of me? No? Didn't really think so.. heh.

But I went in at Homeroom, and went to periods 2-4 which are Pre-Calc, Films and Philosophy, in that order. So I only have Swartz and Russell. Which is a really sweet deal. Then after fourth period, I went to guidance to start my special ed testing. It was like a questionnaire type thing... like at first it was a bunch of true/false questions, and then there were some that were like you have to choose either Never, Sometimes, Often or Always. So it didn't take me long. I did two of those and got picked up by my mom at 11 and went home.

It was so weird. Paige and I were wearing the same shirt. Like WTF. It's the Man Man shirt we both own, too. So not only are we like, the only two people in Hartford County to own one of these shirts, but we just happened to wear them on the same day. It was so weird. I saw her between 3rd and 4th periods and when we noticed, we were just like WHOAH. It was a total "omgwtfgetoutofmybrain" moment. But it was awesome. XD

For the past couple days, I've pretty much been listening to My Chemical Romance on a loop. I dunno what it is. I think I've been so preoccupied with new musical discoveries that I forgot just how much they mean to me. But it also goes to show how they never get old... I could listen to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge for the rest of my life. I made Sarah an MCR Mix to give to her the next time I see her.. it's just 19 MCR songs off all their albums. It's pretty epic.

I think I'm gonna post a line of lyrics from each song I put on it actually... I love Gerard's lyrics.

"Oh baby, here comes the sound! Took the train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine, this is how we like to do it in the murder scene..."
"Pull the plug, but I'd like to learn your name. We're holdin' on, and I hope you do the same, aw sugar..."
"Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands. Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo."
"Shed your yellow, take my hand and then we'll solve the mystery of laceration gravity."
"And when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen. I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene."
"From the razor to the rosary, we can lose ourselves and paint these walls in pitchfork red."
"Life is but a dream for the dead, and well I-I won't go down by myself, but I'll go down with my friends."
"Just think happy thoughts and we'll fly home."
"Let's go down! This elevator only goes up to ten."
"So tell me all your problems, I was killing before killing was cool."
"And we'll love again, we'll laugh again, we'll cry again, and we'll dance again, and it's better off this way, so much better off this way. I CAN'T CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF THE SHEETS IN MY BED!"
"You play ring around the ambulance like you never gave a care."
"The angels just cut out her tongue, so call her black Mariah, would I lie to you? That girl's not right in the brain. Mass convulsions, strike the choir by the grace of God. Gun it while I'm holdin' on but don't stop if I fall and don't look back."
"Way down, mark the grave where the searchlights find us drinking by the mausoleum door... and they found you on the bathroom floor."
"I never thought it'd be this way, just me and you, we're here alone. And if you stay, all I'm askin' for is a thousand bodies piled up I never thought would be enough to show you just what I've been thinkin'. And I'll keep on makin' more just to prove that I adore every inch of sanity."
"Sister, I'm not much a poet but a criminal."
"We all go to hell when our brothers in arms are gone, so raise your glass high for tomorrow we die and return from the ashes you crawl."
"The amount of pills I'm takin' counteracts the booze I'm drinkin', and the vanity I'm breakin' lets me live my life like this."
"'Cause I see you lyin' next to me with words I thought I'd never speak, awake and unafraid, asleep or dead."

I have such a morbid fixation.

I watched Bullet In A Bible today. I'm kinda goin' through the same thing with Green Day as I am with MCR. I forgot how much I missed/loved those guys. I can't wait for their new album next year, I've read the article about it in AP like ten times already.

Alright, I'm gonna sleep... it's 1:30 and I wanna read a little before I go to bed. G'night and good luck everyone. XD

I am drowning in a sea of literature! and BOY, does it feel good.

I just got home from Martha's for the fiftieth time this week, and we went through all her shelves and I chose all the books I wanted to borrow. She didn't let me borrow all the ones I wanted at once 'cause... there were a ton... but she let me borrow six. I was gonna borrow one or two more, but ended up not... what'd she give me?
-Dante's Inferno
-The Great Gatsby
-The Bell Jar (so I can return the library's copy)
-Othello
-The Sun Also Rises
-And a book of the best American Essays of 2007.. 'cause I have THAT MUCH of a life.

Once I finish those, she's gonna lend me the rest of her Shakespeare plays, Looking Glass Wars... a few of Reid's books... etc. I'm excited.

So I started reading The Picture of Dorian Gray.. IT'S THE FUCKING GAYEST THING I'VE EVER READ. AND I'M TEN PAGES IN. For example:

Lord Henry: Tell me more about Mr. Dorian Gray. How often do you see him?
Basil Hallward: Every day. I couldn't be happy if I didn't see him every day. He is absolutely necessary to me.

....COME ON.

That's basically it... Oh, we watched this movie, Beautiful Ohio today. Martha's cousin Jeremy was in it for all of two minutes, but the movie was so sweet. I would recommend it to anyone. It was funny and it had a really clear, good message. Annnddd Michelle Trachtenberg is AMAZING in it.

That is all. End transmission.